Is my story any good so far?

Sorry it's kind of long, and I'm only 11 by the way:


';Casey! Come clean up these dishes! I need you to clear the tables please!'; It was THE call. The night call. Everynight the whole family gets the call, the call to come close up shop. Casey always cleared dishes for the family resturaunt. It was just another one of her routines. Another routine she dreaded.


For years now, all she's wanted was out. Out, out out. Out of this dumb, tiny town, full of nothing. Casey wanted bigger, so much better. She wanted to model. She dreamed of modeling her entire life, something most people out in the middle of nowhere couldn't quite understand. ';How could such a girl dream up a thing like that?'; they would ask. ';Isn't everyone content with becoming a farmers wife, raising kids and singing in the church choir?'; they'd theory.


Maybe everyone else was. Possibly all the women out here were okay to amounting to nothing, making no difference other than how big a pumpkin their husband and son could grow. But Casey wasn't an everyone. She was most deffinetly a SOMEONE, but no one would ever know because of this stupid old town, blocking her on her path to SOMETHING.


A bunch of Nothing


It was Monday morning. Fate, Texas is still and quiet at 4:30 in the morning. Actually, it's usually always quiet no matter what, because really how loud can a town of 497 people really get? I'm willing to bet not that loud. Most people aren't up this early around here, probably nobody, but if anyone is, I'm going to say it would be those drama queen because it takes them so long to get ready.


I'm not that kind of girl though. The only reason I'm up is because one, it takes me a while to fully get up and get ready and secon, because of my anxiety. It's not techincal, or determined by a doctor, but I have determined it myself. I have terrible anxiety with school. I don't even know why, because everythings fine there (except my friend situation) and school is my only escape from this little town, take my mind off of it. But for some reason, I just get overwhelmingly stressed and overthink things to much. My heart starts racing, I can hear my heart pounding, and almost every morning I have emotional breakdowns and cry. A little like a child running scared from a clown. A lot of the time, when I get to school, I'm pretty much out of. I won't want to talk, do my work, or even think. My body tries to tell me to shut down. When everyone asks me, my excuse is ';I'm tired.'; The problem is that this town is so small, this whole place thinks I have some kind of sleep apnea or something. In the FaceBook tags, I'm famously known as ';Sleepy,'; like from the seven dwarfs.


Lately though I've figured out that if I wake up super early and pop in my iPod, it calms me down and I have barely any problems. Music is practically my saving grace now, I don't know what I'd do without it.


After my music session, I go get in the shower. This takes careful doing, because I have to be quiet as to not wake my younger brothers. Not to mention I'm afraid of the shower drain after some freaky clown movie I saw when I was a little girl. After my shower I get dressed. My usual outfit is a V-neck T-shirt, with jean shorts, a big chunky cow boy like brown belt, and my cowboy boots. I love my cowboy boots to death. They are a light, wooden brown, and smell like new leather. They shine like a new born baby's bottom, and they fit like a glove. By the time I finish getting dressed, my hair is dry enough for me to style it. My hair is naturally curly, so I like to leave it that way. All I do it lightly blow dry it on cool as to keep the style. Next I hairspray the loose ringlets of auburn hair as I cover my mouth so I don't breathe in the heavy scent and choke on it.


Now I do my make-up, this is what takes the longest. I apply my concealer, and foundation as usual, then I use a warm pink blush on the apples of my cheeks, and lightly dust an even coat of bronzer all over so I don't look to terribly pale. Now I apply a thick coat of black eyeliner to rim my hazel green eyes. I wing it out a little and make sure to take my time, my eyes are my best feature. I carefully coat my eyelashes in a thin coat of masscara, making sure not to cause clumps or make anything look spider vain-y. Last but not least I apply a light plum eyeshadow to what left of my eyelid. This is probably my favorite part of the day because after I become old and saggy, I'm talking when bo-tox can no longer fix me, I won't be able to model right? So I want to become a make-up artist.


Before I leave my room, I slip some hoop earings through my earlobes, and put my hand braided bracelet on. When I get downstairs I help with my brothers breakfast and make myself a lightly toIs my story any good so far?
*How* you've written it is great, but *what* you've written is...well, let me explain..





Firstly, how old is this main character? If you're 11, you shouldn't be writing about people older than you - even though you can use your imagination, you won't be able to capture the character completely, and you don't have enough life experience to make it believable or authentic.


Also, if your main character is 11, stop right now. 11 year olds shouldn't be wearing all that make-up and hoop earrings (which remind me of a hooker, may I add)...so think carefully now about your character choices.





Also, what you've written is nonsense! You've written a shallow, vain character who thinks she's prettier, smarter and better than everyone. If that's what you were going for, then congratulations, but if not, think about it more.


Its silly how she says all these things about how she wants to make something of herself, and make a difference and be something. What? A Model? This idea is laughable - she can't change the world and ';be something'; by wearing skimpy clothes and parading around in high heels. Change her thoughts a little, and get rid of the ';make a difference'; part, because modeling doesn't do that.


Either change what she wants to be, or the thoughts she has because they don't match. People who want to be models want fame, glitz and glamour - not to change the world (unless of course they're a Miss California contestant).





But apart from *what* you've written, the *way* you've written it was extremely effective; very well done for an 11 year old. However I agree with what someone said about the make-up routine. Its not effective, its irrelevant and boring. Maybe still include the make-up part, but perhaps talk more about why she does it, how it makes her feel, and that Autumn Plum No.5 is her all time favorite eye-shadow because it highlights her eyes and coordinates with her apricot lipgloss. You know, something that reveals character.








Remember that what I've said is my opinion, and you don't have to agree with me.


Good job, good luck and happy writing :)Is my story any good so far?
you want to be a model, dont u?
The first part is VERY good but when u start talking about ur make up nd routine in the morning is when it gets boring I think u should keep the part about Texas and the tiny town but leave out the morning routine