What do you think of the first/second pages of my story?

heres the first and second page:





I can鈥檛 tell what鈥檚 happening- all I know is that I鈥檓 running. My breath panting harder and faster then they should. Trees are flashing in the side of my vision, and my legs were screaming at me to stop.


But, I couldn鈥檛, I could hear the wild thrashing of the monster that was chasing me. It鈥檚 paws thudding against the ground in a fast dance.


I whipped my head around, already dreading what I would see.


An animal, it seems, but it looks instead like a mix between a polar bear and lion.


It was a off-white color, with short hair, it looked like freshly grown grass, except it wasn鈥檛 green. It had a long tail with a tuft of fur on the end, pale blue eyes looked at me, I think it was blind, it sure looked like it. Even though it was looking straight at me.


Why is this happening to me? I pleaded, wishing some miracle would happen.


Then, as the animal was nearing, close enough that I could feel it鈥檚 hot breath on my neck. My prayers were answered.


I feel into a hole, and not knowing whether that was good or not, I screamed.


I looked up, and saw the beast fly over the hole like a bird, and run after something that was no longer there.


While I was in the dark, I contemplated how I got into this mess. But then, It started to rain.What do you think of the first/second pages of my story?
Yes, it definitely hooks you. One thing that I would change (I know you're not asking for editing here... but I suppose I'm an editor at heart :)) would be when she falls into the hole. She'd be running so fast, her mind completely focused on her task of running, that she wouldn't immediately register that it was in fact a hole she'd fallen into. Make it a bit more frantic and realistic, especially since this is in first person.





Okay, well congratulations on finishing your book. That's so cool, I wish I had that type of dedication... :)What do you think of the first/second pages of my story?
its cool, but what is going on??
its good but the words like ';fast dance'; are pretty shitty descriptions
It's not bad. I would find a different first sentence though, or rewrite that one. ';I can't tell what is happening'; is immediately followed by you telling us what is happening. Just rearranging the first few paragraphs and dropping that line would be much better.





';Trees are flashing in the side of my vision, and my legs were screaming at me to stop, but I can't. I am panting; my breath coming harder and faster; I can hear the wild thrashing of the monster that is chasing me, it's paws thudding against the ground in a rhythm much faster than I can run.';