This is just a rough draft and I'm looking to improve it
Chapter 1
';You okay Forest?'; I asked my boyfriend worriedly.
';Oh yea, just...tired.';
';Okay.'; I gave him a sideways glance. He had been acting strangely lately, sometimes avoiding me, and sometimes almost suffocating me with attention. I did not want to think about what it all meant. Not tonight anyway, on our eighteen month anniversary.
We resumed eating in silence, unusual for us when we sometimes stumbled over our words and interrupted each other in our rush to say something.
The walk back through the parking lot to Forest's ancient little Accord was almost just as silent. I felt so awkward and I was almost squirming in my own skin. This was the first date I was wishing was over early.
';Hey...Sadie, can we talk.';
';Sure.'; I gave a short, fake sounding laugh that made me wince when I heard it. ';What do you want to talk about?';
';Us. I've just been wondering if this is really working for us.'; He looked at me with those gorgeous brown eyes of his, begging me to make this easy for him. ';We've just been so awkward lately, and we're both so busy...I'm just trying to say that...it's really my fault you know...';
I started to feel tears clog my eyelashes. I had dreaded this day for weeks, the final rejection.
He kept stumbling over his words, trying to comfort himself - that was who this was about anyway, himself, and the beautiful girl he probably was thinking about. Was it Mandie? She had been after him for months...not that I could blame her.
';I get it.'; I said, breaking into his stumbling, ashamed of the way my voice cracked. ';You want us to break up.';
';I still want to be your friend,'; he said, taking my hand.
';Yea, me to.'; I mumbled, trying not to cry. How was this possible? Where did I go wrong?
We got in the car and he drove me home in silence. I was trying to pretend the tears leaking out of my eyes weren't there, knowing that they would just confirm what I had feared all along. That I was a pathetic, clingy girlfriend whose boyfriend had no choice but to dump her.
I stumbled up the steps in my heels, slowly unlocking the door, happy that at least my grandparents weren't home yet from their meeting.
I walked like I was in a daze towards my room, ignoring the bed and throwing myself down on my beanbag, sobbing. After my loud pity party was over I walked over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
Swollen eyes that weren't a spectacular color even when they didn't have red in them - muddy brown, really. Pale, splotchy face, body nothing to brag about, too tall and awkwardly big in the wrong places, my hair was all right, long and naturally straight, a deep dark red color, but who cared? Forest had rejected me, and I was drowning.
He had first befriended me when I had mCould someone read and critique this?
At the beginning, I was left wondering where exactly they were. I had to piece it together from ';we resumed eating'; and such things. Based on the presence of a parking lot, I assume that they're in a restaurant. If so, how fancy? Who paid the bill? Is there alcohol (are they old enough to drink)?
When writing, try to paint a picture of what is going on. It gives the reader some context in which to view the situation.
Another thing I noticed is that most of the interaction is in dialog. Though there is some mention of Forest looking at Sadie, there is a lack of body language description. Does Forest hold her hands while they break up? If not, are Sadie's hands clutched in fists and she tries not to cry? Does she bite her lip to hold back the tears?
The description of Sadie seems almost out-of-place as well. It isn't tied into her emotions as completely as it could be. How does she feel about here eyes? If Forest just broke up with her, is she maybe wondering what is wrong with her to make him not love her anymore? Don't describe Sadie just to fit her description in there. If it doesn't move the scene forward in some way, get rid of it.
Overall, you did a good job though. Your grammar is actually quite good; there weren't any mistakes bad enough to distract me from reading. Just try to flesh out the description a bit. :)Could someone read and critique this?
Better grammar, add more details and make the descriptions more vivid, add more emotion.
Has some word issues such as ';worriedly'; not being a word. You use ';ly'; too often and the girls names are too close, both have an ';ie'; on the end.
The ';eighteen month anniversary'; part seems like overkill. Just say that they had been dating for awhile in a different way.
The story is normal now, nothing special. It's fine for an introduction, but something new needs to happen soon.
It's an okay start. Keep going.
good just fix your grammar and add some more details
If this is pleasure writing (writing for yourself) its good.
Publicly,
Cut down words not needed.
I'll do my best; I'm not good at cutting down words either; I treasure my words too much.
';You okay Forest?'; I asked my boyfriend.
';Yep. Just... tired.';
';Okay,'; I gave him a sideways glance. He had been strange lately -- he would avoid me then be chokingly attentive. I avoided the thought because tonight was our eighteen month anniversary.
We ate in an silence. (I don't get the next part)
The walk to Forest's car was silent, too. I felt awkward, perhaps because this was the first date with him I wanted over early.
';Sadie, can we talk?';
';Sure,'; I gave a fake laugh, ';What's up?
';Us,'; he said, ';I've just been wondering if this is really working for us.';
His gorgeous eyes pleaded for this to be easy.
Forest continued, ';We've just been so awkward lately, and we're both so busy...I'm just trying to say that...it's really my fault you know...';
I dreaded this moment, and I started to tear up. Mandie was after him; I couldn't blame her, but she was beautiful.
';I get it,'; I was ashamed at how my voice cracked, ';You want us to break up.';
He took my hand, ';I still want to be your friend.';
';Yea, me too,'; I mumbled. What did I do?
He drove me home in silence.
Damn, 18 months? Breaking up with a girl over lust? Pathetic! lol
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Can this be right?
New Words for 2007
* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies toapplause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with thekids or start a ';home business';.
* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the ';adminisphere'; are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ';administrivia'; - needless paperwork and processes.
* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ';404 Not Found'; meaning that the requested document could not be located.
* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').
* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.
* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ';Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!';.
* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bedinstead.
* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.
* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocksCan this be right?
Sounds pretty well thought out, to me!
Good one! Thanks.
DECan this be right?
haha
thanks for the laugh and the two points!
Thank you, best laugh I've had all day.
You are quite funny -- your ';definitions'; should have been posted in the JOKES %26amp; Riddles !!
* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies toapplause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with thekids or start a ';home business';.
* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the ';adminisphere'; are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ';administrivia'; - needless paperwork and processes.
* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ';404 Not Found'; meaning that the requested document could not be located.
* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').
* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.
* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ';Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!';.
* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bedinstead.
* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.
* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocksCan this be right?
Sounds pretty well thought out, to me!
Good one! Thanks.
DECan this be right?
haha
thanks for the laugh and the two points!
Thank you, best laugh I've had all day.
You are quite funny -- your ';definitions'; should have been posted in the JOKES %26amp; Riddles !!
Hey, This is the beginning of my essay for English, just wondering what you think of it?
Hi, this piece is for my English folio (Standard Grade/GSCE)
The task was: Write an essay about a time when you were seperated about someone you cared about and this is what i came up with....just wondering if it any good, at all, because i'm really not sure, but i want the truth, if it..well....crap...say so....or otherwise...because it's important for me
Cold September
I lay awake in my bed seeking warmth amongst my duvet in the early morning hours of a cold September day. Of all the days I had to sleep in late, thanks to my alarm clock which never seems to work, it just had to be the day my class are going on a school outing, to Edinburgh Dungeons. To be honest I couldn’t care where we were going, as any pupil would likely say to anyone, anywhere but school on a Monday is like heaven. I reluctantly slouched, if not fell, out of the warmth and comfort of my bed wishing It was all a dream and that I wasn’t late but sound asleep in the darkness of the night. But no, of course, this was no dream. I got ready for school with the dreaded thought of detention in the back of my mind and the disgruntled complaints from my mother in my ears. At least there was no rush, why hurry when I’m already late?
I stepped outside into the bitingly cold but somewhat refreshing morning air and trudged around the corner and made my way to the nearby bus stop. The street stood in silence as, not a single person was in sight. Some could even say it had an almost eerie feel to it but for me it was…bliss. Ever since I can remember I’ve always preferred being alone than with others. I’ve never gotten along with others, I was the outcast from day one of primary school and to be honest, I really couldn’t care less. Why should I? The bus stop came into view but to my surprise it was not deserted unlike the street. Curious. Maybe I’m not the only one in the street with a broken alarm clock. I entered the shelter in which a lonesome school student stood . I’ve never saw her before, should I say something? I’ve never been one for talking to people I know ,never mind a complete stranger. It’s times like this when I curse my shyness. She appeared to be Asian, perhaps an exchange student? She was rather slender and her hair was dark as pitch, cut short just above her shoulders and an elegant black bow was pinned on the side. I can’t begin to describe how, well…how beautiful she was. She turned around to face me and spoke, “So, do you always stare at girls?”, with a voice so soft yet so clear. Crap. I have been standing here for what seems like an age staring at her like a fool, just great. I can only imagine how ridiculous I must look right now. I quickly snap out of my daze. “Only the pretty ones” , this just keeps getting better! Out of all the thing I could have said, I just had to say that! To my relief she smiles, a smile as beautiful as her. For what felt like hours but surely only minutes we stand in silence but not an awkward silence. Just…silence. She breaks the tension, “Hi, I’m Haeli, so who would you be?”, which is a pretty ordinary thing to say to a stranger so why did my heart skip a beat. “I’m Jason”. We started talking and within what must have only been minutes we became good friends. Maybe life isn’t so bad after all. Of course there was a catch, when isn’t there? She goes to a different school. So form that day forward everyday after school and at the weekends we met to go a walk to wherever our feet took us.Hey, This is the beginning of my essay for English, just wondering what you think of it?
Wow, excellent. A good beginning to a novel! Of course, I'm comparing your work to the work of American students, and there's little to compare.
OK, some nit picks--
I think I'd edit some superfluous language...';To be honest...'; has little value. Keep ';...no, of course, this...';, it softens the impact. ';This was no dream.'; would be too melodramatic.
';...it was not deserted unlike the street.'; needs work.
'; I’ve never saw her before'; ...I had never seen her before, perhaps?
';Out of all the thing';...I'm sure you mean things, plural.
';...wherever our feet took us.';...perhaps ';wherever our feet would take us.';
Excellent prose. I look forward to your first novel.Hey, This is the beginning of my essay for English, just wondering what you think of it?
I really do like it!
I want to read more!
like srsly... E-MAIL it to me when your done!
im not kidding.
but this one part:
“I’m Jason”. We started talking and within what must have only been minutes we became good friends
I dont know, how they became good friends that fast.. i dunno that sounds a little cheesy.
I don't know what I would say..
but it was REALLY good!!!!!
The task was: Write an essay about a time when you were seperated about someone you cared about and this is what i came up with....just wondering if it any good, at all, because i'm really not sure, but i want the truth, if it..well....crap...say so....or otherwise...because it's important for me
Cold September
I lay awake in my bed seeking warmth amongst my duvet in the early morning hours of a cold September day. Of all the days I had to sleep in late, thanks to my alarm clock which never seems to work, it just had to be the day my class are going on a school outing, to Edinburgh Dungeons. To be honest I couldn’t care where we were going, as any pupil would likely say to anyone, anywhere but school on a Monday is like heaven. I reluctantly slouched, if not fell, out of the warmth and comfort of my bed wishing It was all a dream and that I wasn’t late but sound asleep in the darkness of the night. But no, of course, this was no dream. I got ready for school with the dreaded thought of detention in the back of my mind and the disgruntled complaints from my mother in my ears. At least there was no rush, why hurry when I’m already late?
I stepped outside into the bitingly cold but somewhat refreshing morning air and trudged around the corner and made my way to the nearby bus stop. The street stood in silence as, not a single person was in sight. Some could even say it had an almost eerie feel to it but for me it was…bliss. Ever since I can remember I’ve always preferred being alone than with others. I’ve never gotten along with others, I was the outcast from day one of primary school and to be honest, I really couldn’t care less. Why should I? The bus stop came into view but to my surprise it was not deserted unlike the street. Curious. Maybe I’m not the only one in the street with a broken alarm clock. I entered the shelter in which a lonesome school student stood . I’ve never saw her before, should I say something? I’ve never been one for talking to people I know ,never mind a complete stranger. It’s times like this when I curse my shyness. She appeared to be Asian, perhaps an exchange student? She was rather slender and her hair was dark as pitch, cut short just above her shoulders and an elegant black bow was pinned on the side. I can’t begin to describe how, well…how beautiful she was. She turned around to face me and spoke, “So, do you always stare at girls?”, with a voice so soft yet so clear. Crap. I have been standing here for what seems like an age staring at her like a fool, just great. I can only imagine how ridiculous I must look right now. I quickly snap out of my daze. “Only the pretty ones” , this just keeps getting better! Out of all the thing I could have said, I just had to say that! To my relief she smiles, a smile as beautiful as her. For what felt like hours but surely only minutes we stand in silence but not an awkward silence. Just…silence. She breaks the tension, “Hi, I’m Haeli, so who would you be?”, which is a pretty ordinary thing to say to a stranger so why did my heart skip a beat. “I’m Jason”. We started talking and within what must have only been minutes we became good friends. Maybe life isn’t so bad after all. Of course there was a catch, when isn’t there? She goes to a different school. So form that day forward everyday after school and at the weekends we met to go a walk to wherever our feet took us.Hey, This is the beginning of my essay for English, just wondering what you think of it?
Wow, excellent. A good beginning to a novel! Of course, I'm comparing your work to the work of American students, and there's little to compare.
OK, some nit picks--
I think I'd edit some superfluous language...';To be honest...'; has little value. Keep ';...no, of course, this...';, it softens the impact. ';This was no dream.'; would be too melodramatic.
';...it was not deserted unlike the street.'; needs work.
'; I’ve never saw her before'; ...I had never seen her before, perhaps?
';Out of all the thing';...I'm sure you mean things, plural.
';...wherever our feet took us.';...perhaps ';wherever our feet would take us.';
Excellent prose. I look forward to your first novel.Hey, This is the beginning of my essay for English, just wondering what you think of it?
I really do like it!
I want to read more!
like srsly... E-MAIL it to me when your done!
im not kidding.
but this one part:
“I’m Jason”. We started talking and within what must have only been minutes we became good friends
I dont know, how they became good friends that fast.. i dunno that sounds a little cheesy.
I don't know what I would say..
but it was REALLY good!!!!!
Im writing a story for creative writing about a school shooting & I need to have 3 characters with flashbacks?
Rick is the main guy,
and his girlfriend is Sam
and her little sister is Ally. My story is a little out of place and not nearly done.
Please tell me any suggestions, ideas, or what I should add. (Even descriptive words) ANYTHING!! lol PLEASE HELP I would so appreciate it....
Nervously, Sam inches her way toward the bus stop with her younger sister. Her eyes suddenly interlock with a very familiar face. She couldn't help but notice the worried expression over-casting his light blue eyes. Ever since the incident Sam, her sister, and Noah had hardly been the same.
“Are you ready for this?” Sam says, breaking the silence.
“Not really.” Noah replies, “How about you, Ally?”
“Me either.” She replies.
It had been over two months since they had gone to school.
The bus pulls in, and the fears rose over the students.
Playing softly, the radio was the only sound circulating around the bus. All the students remained solemnly quiet.
Noah was unfortunately reminded of the traumatic circumstance the moment he looked down at his basketball hoodie.
“Good game, boys. Time to hit the showers.” Praised coach Allen.
Tearing off my basketball shoes, I listened to my other team-mates interacting across the boys locker room.
“Dude, I heard Sam likes you, and she's dying for you to ask her out!” One of my fellow teammates declared.
My heart sank to the ground, I just asked out Sam less than two hours ago and she said yes. Why would she do that to me?
“Yeah, Rick, totally go for it, man! She's so hot!”
Oh, never mind. It's just Rick, and they're probably just making fun of him like usual. Relieved I took a shower, and as always I was the last one to make it for lunch.
I noticed Sam looked like a deer in the head lights, but I wasn't sure why.
“Everything alright babe?” I swung my arm around her, as she wiped off her lips. This perplexed me.
“Yeah. Sure. Lets get out of here, now.” Sam exhaled, “Lets go pick up my sis. She's usually at the library around this time.”
Back into reality of the moment, Noah's thoughts were interrupted when Sam's few tears leaked down her face and onto my hoodie.
“Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” Noah whispers, “We'll get through this together.”
Noah tried to be brave for both Sam, and Ally, were sitting beside him.
Sam perked her head up some and stared at her bandaged hand and was slowly drawn into the beginning of her horrific memories.
“I heard you liked me.”
A laugh escaped from my lips, “Now that is funny.”
Moving closer to me, Rick's voice lowered to a whisper, “Oh, playing hard to get, I see.” His arms suddenly were around my waist and his lips entwined with mine.
“O-my-gosh! Get off Rick! I'm serious, I DON'T LIKE YOU!” I struggled to break free. I about died of embarrassment and complete disgust.
Rejectingly, Rick stared at me with his intense brown eyes and he backed off. No offense to him, I just wasn't interested, at all. For one, he has dorky glasses, bushy brown hair, and he's short. The list goes on.
Surrounding us, all the guys belted out laughing. I began to wonder if they convinced him to talk to me or something.
Noah walks into the cafeteria and puts his arm around me having no idea what he just missed. Quintessence of exasperation beamed in Rick's shadowy eyes. His simple look of 'your going to pay' actually petrified me. I had no idea such a nerdy kid could cause so much distress.
“Everything alright babe?” Noah's soothing voice calmed me down.
Wiping my lips hastily I reply, “Yeah, sure. Lets get out of here, now.”
Sam's eyes re-opened as she looked up at Noah. The twenty-five minuet bus ride started to feel like an eternity. All the students were dreading the moment they would have to step foot onto Westridge high school grounds.
On Noah's lap, was a few text books. Ally's thoughts were deeply sucked in.
Typing, speedily, but accurately, I raced to finish my essay in class at the library. I was slightly annoyed with fact my parter wasn't here to help. Click. I saved my essay. Satisfied, I closed my laptop, and put away all my assignments.
Slam the library door bolted open, and caused the entire room to look over.
It was my parter, finally arriving, but he had a look of agony of his face. His hands were full of tension on the door panel. His dark eyes looked almost black. His smile looked like evilly determined, and he was wearing a long back cloak.
“THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL DESERVE!”
The moment Rick reached for something behind his back, the room instantly become mad chaos, and terrifying screams shattered the silence. I wasn't the type to freak out so easily, I was braver than others, so I had already flew to the back of the library while everyone else either froze or ran around.
Peeking through the library shelves, I could see Rick mercilessly shooting everyone he could.
Noah was captured by Sam's beauty. With the sunlight reflecting off her long blonIm writing a story for creative writing about a school shooting %26amp; I need to have 3 characters with flashbacks?
good but a little confusing and its a bit like 19 minutes by jodi picoult.-amazing book by the way. The changing of the narrator tense was confusing and interesting and so were the flashbacks. it was ok but i hate the word babe so... idk its just a personal thing -good idea
and his girlfriend is Sam
and her little sister is Ally. My story is a little out of place and not nearly done.
Please tell me any suggestions, ideas, or what I should add. (Even descriptive words) ANYTHING!! lol PLEASE HELP I would so appreciate it....
Nervously, Sam inches her way toward the bus stop with her younger sister. Her eyes suddenly interlock with a very familiar face. She couldn't help but notice the worried expression over-casting his light blue eyes. Ever since the incident Sam, her sister, and Noah had hardly been the same.
“Are you ready for this?” Sam says, breaking the silence.
“Not really.” Noah replies, “How about you, Ally?”
“Me either.” She replies.
It had been over two months since they had gone to school.
The bus pulls in, and the fears rose over the students.
Playing softly, the radio was the only sound circulating around the bus. All the students remained solemnly quiet.
Noah was unfortunately reminded of the traumatic circumstance the moment he looked down at his basketball hoodie.
“Good game, boys. Time to hit the showers.” Praised coach Allen.
Tearing off my basketball shoes, I listened to my other team-mates interacting across the boys locker room.
“Dude, I heard Sam likes you, and she's dying for you to ask her out!” One of my fellow teammates declared.
My heart sank to the ground, I just asked out Sam less than two hours ago and she said yes. Why would she do that to me?
“Yeah, Rick, totally go for it, man! She's so hot!”
Oh, never mind. It's just Rick, and they're probably just making fun of him like usual. Relieved I took a shower, and as always I was the last one to make it for lunch.
I noticed Sam looked like a deer in the head lights, but I wasn't sure why.
“Everything alright babe?” I swung my arm around her, as she wiped off her lips. This perplexed me.
“Yeah. Sure. Lets get out of here, now.” Sam exhaled, “Lets go pick up my sis. She's usually at the library around this time.”
Back into reality of the moment, Noah's thoughts were interrupted when Sam's few tears leaked down her face and onto my hoodie.
“Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” Noah whispers, “We'll get through this together.”
Noah tried to be brave for both Sam, and Ally, were sitting beside him.
Sam perked her head up some and stared at her bandaged hand and was slowly drawn into the beginning of her horrific memories.
“I heard you liked me.”
A laugh escaped from my lips, “Now that is funny.”
Moving closer to me, Rick's voice lowered to a whisper, “Oh, playing hard to get, I see.” His arms suddenly were around my waist and his lips entwined with mine.
“O-my-gosh! Get off Rick! I'm serious, I DON'T LIKE YOU!” I struggled to break free. I about died of embarrassment and complete disgust.
Rejectingly, Rick stared at me with his intense brown eyes and he backed off. No offense to him, I just wasn't interested, at all. For one, he has dorky glasses, bushy brown hair, and he's short. The list goes on.
Surrounding us, all the guys belted out laughing. I began to wonder if they convinced him to talk to me or something.
Noah walks into the cafeteria and puts his arm around me having no idea what he just missed. Quintessence of exasperation beamed in Rick's shadowy eyes. His simple look of 'your going to pay' actually petrified me. I had no idea such a nerdy kid could cause so much distress.
“Everything alright babe?” Noah's soothing voice calmed me down.
Wiping my lips hastily I reply, “Yeah, sure. Lets get out of here, now.”
Sam's eyes re-opened as she looked up at Noah. The twenty-five minuet bus ride started to feel like an eternity. All the students were dreading the moment they would have to step foot onto Westridge high school grounds.
On Noah's lap, was a few text books. Ally's thoughts were deeply sucked in.
Typing, speedily, but accurately, I raced to finish my essay in class at the library. I was slightly annoyed with fact my parter wasn't here to help. Click. I saved my essay. Satisfied, I closed my laptop, and put away all my assignments.
Slam the library door bolted open, and caused the entire room to look over.
It was my parter, finally arriving, but he had a look of agony of his face. His hands were full of tension on the door panel. His dark eyes looked almost black. His smile looked like evilly determined, and he was wearing a long back cloak.
“THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL DESERVE!”
The moment Rick reached for something behind his back, the room instantly become mad chaos, and terrifying screams shattered the silence. I wasn't the type to freak out so easily, I was braver than others, so I had already flew to the back of the library while everyone else either froze or ran around.
Peeking through the library shelves, I could see Rick mercilessly shooting everyone he could.
Noah was captured by Sam's beauty. With the sunlight reflecting off her long blonIm writing a story for creative writing about a school shooting %26amp; I need to have 3 characters with flashbacks?
good but a little confusing and its a bit like 19 minutes by jodi picoult.-amazing book by the way. The changing of the narrator tense was confusing and interesting and so were the flashbacks. it was ok but i hate the word babe so... idk its just a personal thing -good idea
My boyfriend and I broke up and I am sooooo NOT ok :(?
so my bf broke up with me after he said he loved me and he never wanted to leave. I feel awful everyday now I try to keep my head up but I can't. We broke up b/c he said I was controlling and that I was trying to change him b/c he's a flirt and always writes flirty stuff on girls pages on FB i told him how i felt and he said he'd chane but I found out he was lying and confronted him and he said u don't trust me and u have no business snooping seeing who i'm talking too and since he told practically all the girls he knew they were pretty I felt like just another number and now my self-esteem is basically gone plus no guys ever look or try to talk to me cuz i'm a ';good girl'; and I'm not thick and my hair is natural (dreads) so no guys ever notice me and girls always notice him and in short he basically told me i was lucky to have him now i'm starting to think i'm right :( how do i move on and find some1 elseMy boyfriend and I broke up and I am sooooo NOT ok :(?
Don't let that jerk get you down... You deserve to be with someone who cherishes every day that he is with you, and who only looks at YOU. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. If you weren't, he wouldn't have been with you in the first place. And it's HIS loss, not yours. He can't just have ONE pretty girl who wants him; he's the kind of guy who wants attention from everyone, and you hunny, are a LOT better than that. Soon, he'll realize that. You're a great girl, and who ever will be with you, will be the luckiest guy.My boyfriend and I broke up and I am sooooo NOT ok :(?
From what you say, you are better off without him.
Someone will eventually treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve.
It's only a matter of time until you meet them!
I'm sorry sweetie, but he sounds like a prick. You can do much better. If he didn't make you feel special or loved, you are better off without him.
get over it... find some1 new please :) do it for my hun :p
Don't let that jerk get you down... You deserve to be with someone who cherishes every day that he is with you, and who only looks at YOU. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. If you weren't, he wouldn't have been with you in the first place. And it's HIS loss, not yours. He can't just have ONE pretty girl who wants him; he's the kind of guy who wants attention from everyone, and you hunny, are a LOT better than that. Soon, he'll realize that. You're a great girl, and who ever will be with you, will be the luckiest guy.My boyfriend and I broke up and I am sooooo NOT ok :(?
From what you say, you are better off without him.
Someone will eventually treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve.
It's only a matter of time until you meet them!
I'm sorry sweetie, but he sounds like a prick. You can do much better. If he didn't make you feel special or loved, you are better off without him.
get over it... find some1 new please :) do it for my hun :p
Hows my story so far?
ok im writing a story but i only have 2 chapters done.can you tell me what you think of it so far and how i can improve it?
Capter 1
Zroom-room-room-room.My dad tried starting the engine of our R.V.';We have everything right?';he asked.';Yeah i think so.';my mom replied.I sighed.Its not that i didnt like car rides or being with my family or being in the R.V for long periods of time.I loved car rides.Once I started riding i dreaded stopping.My family was pretty fun.And the R.V wasnt that bad.But outside of the R.V ... that was a whole diffrent soty.I hated it all.The bugs,the heat, ichy grass, sappy sticky trees, the smell, everything.And unfortuanly me and my family were going to be hicking for a whole week.Thats what i was absoulty dreading.';Scooth your bootch.';My sister Kayla said interupting my thoughts.I scooted over on the couch.';No need to look so grumpy Ruthie';my other sister Alyce said to me.';Its just camping.';';Oh yeah just being outside wear theres tons of bears and cougars waiting to eat you.'; I said.';T--Th-Theres bears and cougars here.';Kayla said.';Its ok Kayla if there is well push Ruthie in front of us all.';Cheyenne said joking.We laughed.Kayla Cheyenne and Alyce were my beloved sisters.I loved them but they made me feel left out sometimes.They were all cheerleaders and blonde.My oldest sister Alyce was shorter than me.She was in collage becoming a dentist and also cheering for out citys team the Eagles.She had blonde curly hair and wore high heels alot to look taller.My other older sister was Cheyenne.She was taller than me Alyce Kayla and my Mom.She had long blonde hair and she was really pretty.She was in collage too to become a vet.She did modeling on the side.I was easily jealous of her.Any girl was really.My other younger sister was Kayla.She had blonde hair with brown highlites.She was only a year behind me so we were close.Thern there was me.I was the second tallest of us 4.I had really dark brown hair almost black with reddish-pink highlites.I liked how i looked but i felt taboo comapared to my sisters.I yawned.The couch was really comfy.I felt my eyes getting heavier and heavier.Maybe it wouldnt be so bad to take a nap.
Chapter 2
I was running through the forest.Something was following me.I could only run so far before my stomach started to cramp.I tried to go faster but I felt like I was running in slow motion.Then i ran up a giant cliff.I ran to the edge and stopped.The beast was still following me.It was running towards me.It looked like a mass of brown and black hair.It reached out towards me and I screamed.THen jumped off the cliff.This is how im gonna die i though.Then i landed on...wait...the floor?I ... opened my eyes.
';Ruthie, sweetie, are you ok?';my mom asked.';You screamed then feel on the floor.';
';Yeah yeah.Im fine.'; I said though I wasnt entirely sure.
I stood up and walked back to the couch.We have been driving for three days.
';How much longer?';Kayla whined.
';Well be there in about an hour.';Mom said.
I sighed.This is going to be delightful.The hour went by so quickly.We were at the entrance to the park sooner then I though possible.The officer at the entrance gave each of us a map.We were hiking to a waterfall miles away.Joy.We drove to the giant parking lot.There was tons of other R.Vs and cars there.We got our camping gear out.
';Can we at least go get a shower before we start walking?'; Cheyenne asked.
';Fine.';Dad muttered.';But make it quick.I want to eat lunch here then hit the trails.';
Me,Kayla,Cheyenne,and Alyce headed to the bathrooms.
';These are sick.';I said looking at a big spider web in the corner.
';Better than nothing.';Alyce said brightly.
We took our showers (and had to listen to Cheyennes singing.)While we were heading back guys on bikes passed us.
';Hey.';one shouted.He had blonde shaggy hair and looked muscular.
';Heeyy.';Cheyenne said smiling.
';Im Ricky and this is John and Drew he pointed to the others.John was lanky and had brown-red shaggy hair and Drew was muscular and had brown curly hair.
';Im Cheyenne.And this is Ruthie,Kayla-';
';And Im Alyce.';Alyce said looking at Drew and batting her eyelashes.
';So were are you girls headed to?';Drew asked.
';Back to our R.V then we headed to Blue Water Fall.';Cheyenne explained.
';Really?Were headed to Blue Water Falls to.';Drew said.
';Thats sweet.Maybe well see you around.';Alyce said still batting her eyelids.
';See ya.';Drew said.As he passed Alyce on his bike he smacked her butt.Alyce blushed.I rolled my eyes.Not that they werent cute but they seemed like the player type.As we walked back to the trailer Alyce,Kayla,and Cheyenne discussed there hottness.
';Sorry none of them liked you Ruthie.';Kayla said.
';Its ok.Wait what?';I said confused.
';Well I dont wanna sound mean but Ricky liked Cheyenne.Who doesnt?And Drew obviously liked Alyce.And of course John liked me.';
';Psh were did you get that from.';
';Well its kinda obvious.';
Haha liked I cared.They didnt know it but I had a boyfriend at home.His nameHows my story so far?
Don't take what i am going to respond as a put down, im just here to tell you how to improve. You cannot improve unless your given all your wrongs.
Are you trying to write a novel? if so you MUST stretch our your first chapter, its only one huge paragraph. Its Choppy. It needs work. Big time. Your opening, to weak, you need to be able to grab the readers attention. Zroom-room-room-room gotta go, Would you read something that started with that? Why not something along the lines of. The shocking noise of the engine roared to life as my dad turned the key. That sort of thing.
Also in the ';1'; chapter never have two people talking in one para. It really confuses the reader.
In the beginning again, you need use of COMMAS. like the part where it is like I love car rides... Use a comma there and connect it to another sentence. I feel like you used the word RV way to much.
One thing you really need to work on is the use of detail. It is too weak, again you need to be able to grab the readers attetion. Add some use of the 5 sense (see touch taste feel hear smell.)
better yet get ride of the second chapter and combine it to the 1st. Just because it is a '; dream'; doesnt mean you have to start a new chapter, thats only a start of a new Paragraph.
Those are just a few things taht need work, I hope this helps and you use information in the best ways. You can become a great writer, you just need to become more expierenced with detail. Maybe read a few books and see how things are worded, formatted, details. Ect. and use it in the best way.
Good LuckHows my story so far?
The only thing I'd warn you about is to be careful of writing about past events in the first person. If that's the point of view you want to use, then it's more effective for the story to be happening around you. That first book is tough, I know. I wrote my first novel when I was 14 and finished it at 15. The next one was substantially better, so don't lose hope!
hmmm the story line seems interesting. i really liked the first few chapters, but if i were you i would go back and add tons more detail and descriptive language. also theres alot of dialouge in the story and its sometimes kinda hard to follow. maybe add a little more description/explanation and make the story flow a little more.
anyways it was still really great!
chapters should be much longer, unless you're making a statement about something.
Capter 1
Zroom-room-room-room.My dad tried starting the engine of our R.V.';We have everything right?';he asked.';Yeah i think so.';my mom replied.I sighed.Its not that i didnt like car rides or being with my family or being in the R.V for long periods of time.I loved car rides.Once I started riding i dreaded stopping.My family was pretty fun.And the R.V wasnt that bad.But outside of the R.V ... that was a whole diffrent soty.I hated it all.The bugs,the heat, ichy grass, sappy sticky trees, the smell, everything.And unfortuanly me and my family were going to be hicking for a whole week.Thats what i was absoulty dreading.';Scooth your bootch.';My sister Kayla said interupting my thoughts.I scooted over on the couch.';No need to look so grumpy Ruthie';my other sister Alyce said to me.';Its just camping.';';Oh yeah just being outside wear theres tons of bears and cougars waiting to eat you.'; I said.';T--Th-Theres bears and cougars here.';Kayla said.';Its ok Kayla if there is well push Ruthie in front of us all.';Cheyenne said joking.We laughed.Kayla Cheyenne and Alyce were my beloved sisters.I loved them but they made me feel left out sometimes.They were all cheerleaders and blonde.My oldest sister Alyce was shorter than me.She was in collage becoming a dentist and also cheering for out citys team the Eagles.She had blonde curly hair and wore high heels alot to look taller.My other older sister was Cheyenne.She was taller than me Alyce Kayla and my Mom.She had long blonde hair and she was really pretty.She was in collage too to become a vet.She did modeling on the side.I was easily jealous of her.Any girl was really.My other younger sister was Kayla.She had blonde hair with brown highlites.She was only a year behind me so we were close.Thern there was me.I was the second tallest of us 4.I had really dark brown hair almost black with reddish-pink highlites.I liked how i looked but i felt taboo comapared to my sisters.I yawned.The couch was really comfy.I felt my eyes getting heavier and heavier.Maybe it wouldnt be so bad to take a nap.
Chapter 2
I was running through the forest.Something was following me.I could only run so far before my stomach started to cramp.I tried to go faster but I felt like I was running in slow motion.Then i ran up a giant cliff.I ran to the edge and stopped.The beast was still following me.It was running towards me.It looked like a mass of brown and black hair.It reached out towards me and I screamed.THen jumped off the cliff.This is how im gonna die i though.Then i landed on...wait...the floor?I ... opened my eyes.
';Ruthie, sweetie, are you ok?';my mom asked.';You screamed then feel on the floor.';
';Yeah yeah.Im fine.'; I said though I wasnt entirely sure.
I stood up and walked back to the couch.We have been driving for three days.
';How much longer?';Kayla whined.
';Well be there in about an hour.';Mom said.
I sighed.This is going to be delightful.The hour went by so quickly.We were at the entrance to the park sooner then I though possible.The officer at the entrance gave each of us a map.We were hiking to a waterfall miles away.Joy.We drove to the giant parking lot.There was tons of other R.Vs and cars there.We got our camping gear out.
';Can we at least go get a shower before we start walking?'; Cheyenne asked.
';Fine.';Dad muttered.';But make it quick.I want to eat lunch here then hit the trails.';
Me,Kayla,Cheyenne,and Alyce headed to the bathrooms.
';These are sick.';I said looking at a big spider web in the corner.
';Better than nothing.';Alyce said brightly.
We took our showers (and had to listen to Cheyennes singing.)While we were heading back guys on bikes passed us.
';Hey.';one shouted.He had blonde shaggy hair and looked muscular.
';Heeyy.';Cheyenne said smiling.
';Im Ricky and this is John and Drew he pointed to the others.John was lanky and had brown-red shaggy hair and Drew was muscular and had brown curly hair.
';Im Cheyenne.And this is Ruthie,Kayla-';
';And Im Alyce.';Alyce said looking at Drew and batting her eyelashes.
';So were are you girls headed to?';Drew asked.
';Back to our R.V then we headed to Blue Water Fall.';Cheyenne explained.
';Really?Were headed to Blue Water Falls to.';Drew said.
';Thats sweet.Maybe well see you around.';Alyce said still batting her eyelids.
';See ya.';Drew said.As he passed Alyce on his bike he smacked her butt.Alyce blushed.I rolled my eyes.Not that they werent cute but they seemed like the player type.As we walked back to the trailer Alyce,Kayla,and Cheyenne discussed there hottness.
';Sorry none of them liked you Ruthie.';Kayla said.
';Its ok.Wait what?';I said confused.
';Well I dont wanna sound mean but Ricky liked Cheyenne.Who doesnt?And Drew obviously liked Alyce.And of course John liked me.';
';Psh were did you get that from.';
';Well its kinda obvious.';
Haha liked I cared.They didnt know it but I had a boyfriend at home.His nameHows my story so far?
Don't take what i am going to respond as a put down, im just here to tell you how to improve. You cannot improve unless your given all your wrongs.
Are you trying to write a novel? if so you MUST stretch our your first chapter, its only one huge paragraph. Its Choppy. It needs work. Big time. Your opening, to weak, you need to be able to grab the readers attention. Zroom-room-room-room gotta go, Would you read something that started with that? Why not something along the lines of. The shocking noise of the engine roared to life as my dad turned the key. That sort of thing.
Also in the ';1'; chapter never have two people talking in one para. It really confuses the reader.
In the beginning again, you need use of COMMAS. like the part where it is like I love car rides... Use a comma there and connect it to another sentence. I feel like you used the word RV way to much.
One thing you really need to work on is the use of detail. It is too weak, again you need to be able to grab the readers attetion. Add some use of the 5 sense (see touch taste feel hear smell.)
better yet get ride of the second chapter and combine it to the 1st. Just because it is a '; dream'; doesnt mean you have to start a new chapter, thats only a start of a new Paragraph.
Those are just a few things taht need work, I hope this helps and you use information in the best ways. You can become a great writer, you just need to become more expierenced with detail. Maybe read a few books and see how things are worded, formatted, details. Ect. and use it in the best way.
Good LuckHows my story so far?
The only thing I'd warn you about is to be careful of writing about past events in the first person. If that's the point of view you want to use, then it's more effective for the story to be happening around you. That first book is tough, I know. I wrote my first novel when I was 14 and finished it at 15. The next one was substantially better, so don't lose hope!
hmmm the story line seems interesting. i really liked the first few chapters, but if i were you i would go back and add tons more detail and descriptive language. also theres alot of dialouge in the story and its sometimes kinda hard to follow. maybe add a little more description/explanation and make the story flow a little more.
anyways it was still really great!
chapters should be much longer, unless you're making a statement about something.
Do I really need to tip?
Ok first let me start off yes i do tip and i find myself tipping less and less, and yes even at times the dreaded no tip. Yes I will no tip you. The way I see it is your already getting paid and before all you Hater Waiters start on me, yes i know you depend on the tips to make up for getting less then minimum wage. Which frankly it was your choice to take a job that pay less than a living wage, but you want to give me shitty service expect a shitty tip. If i get no service you get no tip simple as that. I am paying you for your time to help me enjoy a meal without having to be interrupted. I've have only had one waitress ever take so personally she felt she had to follow outside to my car and say, ';What the **** thanks for the no tip!'; To which i replied, ';I don't zero service.'; Let me say I am glade she stood up for herself. Now had she stopped me in the parking lot and said excuse me is there a reason i didn't get a tip i wouldn't had to tell the manager that I did not appreciate her following out to my car to curse me out. I told him that she was my waitress but I didn't get any service from her. I informed the manager that we did how ever tip two others on the wait staff and the hostess. The manager called over a waitress that I pointed out and asked her about it. and she said, ';Dude, me and Adam have been covering her tables all after noon but shes been sharing tips so I don't care.'; So the Manager fired the waitress on the spot. I felt bad yes but the she wasn't doing her job that had nothing to do with more than me not tipping her.
So I know that I am not a considerate guy but I am courteous. So I am from a small town and when I went to the barber's it was one guy that owned the place. So I never learned to tip em, or when the right time to tip is. My own lessons in tipping is from my work experience where I have received tips myself including waiting tables. Which as a matter of fact I received a $100, yes a bill for a ticket whose total was $15.73. He went to pay i started clearing the table and was a note covering a single bill with a glass on top of it. The note said thank your for the attention. When I noticed it was a Franklin I told my cousin who owns the restaurant, ';I think he made a mistake.'; I ran to him on his way to his car and told him that sir you made a mistake. Then he told me, ';No mistake your work ethic is superb and more people needed to improve on that trait. Your not the first big tip I've given and I've given bigger than that, but not once has anyone follow me to my car.
So that was 12 years ago when I was 17. I really took what he said personally, mainly because in this age where mastering a craft has been lost. It was only one word that struck something within, trait. I now had a trait. Now I find myself in a larger city and I went into a shop so i can get a trim. The lady cuts my hair but its not what I wanted i told he below the ear she went above, I told her I like the length on top don't touch it just clean it up. She cut inches off my hair my hair was so short. It looked ok, so ok I go to pay for it and I am asked to tip. I refused and walked out. I'm not stupid I know I can't go back there and I won't, and my quest to find someone I like continues.
I now how it works the girl pays for her chair so basically she's renting out the places and I'm employing her. She didn't come to me I had to go to her. Which had she came to me I would have tipped something at minimum I mean come on she came to me. I didn't get the hair cut I wanted but I did get a hair cut that I was ok with just had to wait a little longer to get the style I'm going for and I'll try again. If I hated it I would have said you know what just take it all off I'll start over which I have done twice after my barber died and I had to find a new one, and after they took it all off no guard I didn't pay and twice I had the cops called on me and twice they said we don't handle these kinds of situations. However tipping at a barber shop or Solon when do I tip regardless of it being a solo barber or someone that pays for a chair in a shop. Which I don't know to me if you own and you do all the cuts your self then you get all the profits because you are your only employee, so I don not see the reason to tip in that situation. As far as a solon goes my views are I came to you and i didn't get what I wanted, if I did then you would be my regular. So there you go your getting my business, because if I have to I will wait for the person I want. So i need help should I tip and why am I tipping them. I need evidence if you believe I should.
Thank you for your time.Do I really need to tip?
Bad luck. We don't tip that much here in NZDo I really need to tip?
You really felt the need to type up four big paragraphs justifying your stinginess? You must really be insecure with yourself.
Duuuuude, was all that really necessary?
Yes, you need to tip. It's one thing to make a statement about bad service, and another thing altogether to force your waitress to pay a percentage of your meal because she was bad. She still has to pay taxes on your meal whether you pay or not. You don't have to give her extra money on top of that if she's horrible, but you're stealing from her if you make her pay for part of your meal, too.
So let's say you had a $20 tab. If she has to claim 8% on each check, and then pay taxes on that supposed income, perhaps she'd only pay $0.50 total, but it's the principle. No decent person forces the waitstaff to help pay for their meal.
Get it?
Wow! Just skimmed your question cause I really can't justify wasting too much of my life on Yahoo.
Re: tipping, it's common courtesy to tip at least 10-15%. For exceptional service, I've gone as high as 35. Excluding counter service, I've never not tipped no matter how bad the service. I figure it might not be entirely the server's fault. I mean the kitchen might have messed up or it could just be insanely busy and everyone's entitled to have a bad day.
Here's the thing... Let me first say, I am a server. I work in California, and here we make minimum wage, plus all of our tips. We are taxed on our tips which is, approximately, 10% of cash checks, and the actual amount of credit card tips
I try very hard to please my tables, and I really appreciate courtesy. For example: If you want a refill on your soda, and some more butter for your bread, please ask for them at the same time. This allows me to meet your needs, and my other tables'. I understand that you may have forgotten the first time, but maybe wait a few minutes for me to attend to my other guests as well. With courtesy like this, you will get good service and, in turn, you will feel happy to leave a good tip. We want to please you! If you get a server who really doesn't care, just give him/her what she deserves (10%).
But, if you get good service, please consider the amount of the check and tip by percentage. That system is in place for a reason, which is the amount of money you spend on food correlates with the amount of work I have to do, which I don't mind, in fact I prefer! Just keep in mind that the more you need, the harder it is to please all of my guests, and nobody wants that, right?!
Also, you are a dick.
I have done the no tip thing, for the most part I actually tip very well (here they do not pay tax on every table). I had one waitress that was so rude and actually said to me when I ordered garlic bread ';it isn't premade so the cook will actually have to like it make it for you, so do you really want it?'; Even when I told her yes I wanted it I still never got it and at the end of the meal when it was on my bill I pointed it out and she said ';well if you want it so bad I guess the cook could make it now';. I do not however, ever tip my mailman
First off, about 98% of your question is pointless. If you don't tip at all, there should be a damn good reason for it. I go out to eat a lot and very rarely have a problem with the waitstaff...Reading your question makes me think that your expectations may be too high. There have been very very few instances where I have not tipped someone at all.
All in all, YES you really need to tip, unless the service was bad enough to talk to a manager about. (Or you want everyone to think you're a cheap ***)
So I know that I am not a considerate guy but I am courteous. So I am from a small town and when I went to the barber's it was one guy that owned the place. So I never learned to tip em, or when the right time to tip is. My own lessons in tipping is from my work experience where I have received tips myself including waiting tables. Which as a matter of fact I received a $100, yes a bill for a ticket whose total was $15.73. He went to pay i started clearing the table and was a note covering a single bill with a glass on top of it. The note said thank your for the attention. When I noticed it was a Franklin I told my cousin who owns the restaurant, ';I think he made a mistake.'; I ran to him on his way to his car and told him that sir you made a mistake. Then he told me, ';No mistake your work ethic is superb and more people needed to improve on that trait. Your not the first big tip I've given and I've given bigger than that, but not once has anyone follow me to my car.
So that was 12 years ago when I was 17. I really took what he said personally, mainly because in this age where mastering a craft has been lost. It was only one word that struck something within, trait. I now had a trait. Now I find myself in a larger city and I went into a shop so i can get a trim. The lady cuts my hair but its not what I wanted i told he below the ear she went above, I told her I like the length on top don't touch it just clean it up. She cut inches off my hair my hair was so short. It looked ok, so ok I go to pay for it and I am asked to tip. I refused and walked out. I'm not stupid I know I can't go back there and I won't, and my quest to find someone I like continues.
I now how it works the girl pays for her chair so basically she's renting out the places and I'm employing her. She didn't come to me I had to go to her. Which had she came to me I would have tipped something at minimum I mean come on she came to me. I didn't get the hair cut I wanted but I did get a hair cut that I was ok with just had to wait a little longer to get the style I'm going for and I'll try again. If I hated it I would have said you know what just take it all off I'll start over which I have done twice after my barber died and I had to find a new one, and after they took it all off no guard I didn't pay and twice I had the cops called on me and twice they said we don't handle these kinds of situations. However tipping at a barber shop or Solon when do I tip regardless of it being a solo barber or someone that pays for a chair in a shop. Which I don't know to me if you own and you do all the cuts your self then you get all the profits because you are your only employee, so I don not see the reason to tip in that situation. As far as a solon goes my views are I came to you and i didn't get what I wanted, if I did then you would be my regular. So there you go your getting my business, because if I have to I will wait for the person I want. So i need help should I tip and why am I tipping them. I need evidence if you believe I should.
Thank you for your time.Do I really need to tip?
Bad luck. We don't tip that much here in NZDo I really need to tip?
You really felt the need to type up four big paragraphs justifying your stinginess? You must really be insecure with yourself.
Duuuuude, was all that really necessary?
Yes, you need to tip. It's one thing to make a statement about bad service, and another thing altogether to force your waitress to pay a percentage of your meal because she was bad. She still has to pay taxes on your meal whether you pay or not. You don't have to give her extra money on top of that if she's horrible, but you're stealing from her if you make her pay for part of your meal, too.
So let's say you had a $20 tab. If she has to claim 8% on each check, and then pay taxes on that supposed income, perhaps she'd only pay $0.50 total, but it's the principle. No decent person forces the waitstaff to help pay for their meal.
Get it?
Wow! Just skimmed your question cause I really can't justify wasting too much of my life on Yahoo.
Re: tipping, it's common courtesy to tip at least 10-15%. For exceptional service, I've gone as high as 35. Excluding counter service, I've never not tipped no matter how bad the service. I figure it might not be entirely the server's fault. I mean the kitchen might have messed up or it could just be insanely busy and everyone's entitled to have a bad day.
Here's the thing... Let me first say, I am a server. I work in California, and here we make minimum wage, plus all of our tips. We are taxed on our tips which is, approximately, 10% of cash checks, and the actual amount of credit card tips
I try very hard to please my tables, and I really appreciate courtesy. For example: If you want a refill on your soda, and some more butter for your bread, please ask for them at the same time. This allows me to meet your needs, and my other tables'. I understand that you may have forgotten the first time, but maybe wait a few minutes for me to attend to my other guests as well. With courtesy like this, you will get good service and, in turn, you will feel happy to leave a good tip. We want to please you! If you get a server who really doesn't care, just give him/her what she deserves (10%).
But, if you get good service, please consider the amount of the check and tip by percentage. That system is in place for a reason, which is the amount of money you spend on food correlates with the amount of work I have to do, which I don't mind, in fact I prefer! Just keep in mind that the more you need, the harder it is to please all of my guests, and nobody wants that, right?!
Also, you are a dick.
I have done the no tip thing, for the most part I actually tip very well (here they do not pay tax on every table). I had one waitress that was so rude and actually said to me when I ordered garlic bread ';it isn't premade so the cook will actually have to like it make it for you, so do you really want it?'; Even when I told her yes I wanted it I still never got it and at the end of the meal when it was on my bill I pointed it out and she said ';well if you want it so bad I guess the cook could make it now';. I do not however, ever tip my mailman
First off, about 98% of your question is pointless. If you don't tip at all, there should be a damn good reason for it. I go out to eat a lot and very rarely have a problem with the waitstaff...Reading your question makes me think that your expectations may be too high. There have been very very few instances where I have not tipped someone at all.
All in all, YES you really need to tip, unless the service was bad enough to talk to a manager about. (Or you want everyone to think you're a cheap ***)
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