Thursday, August 12, 2010

Continuation to my last question: how do u like my cousins story (PLEASE READ AT LEAST SOME!)?

me and my cousin r going to fix the mistakes, i just want answers on how it sounds. this isn't the beginning:








Once all the children had gone my head was swirling with names, Kaleb, Alexa, Jakob, Melody the list went on and on. Well, there were only eighteen names, but it seemed like so many to me.


After dinner I went straight to Emma. “Emma, I don’t want to – I started to say but then the women who spoke before dinner, Mrs. Mistren budded in. “Penney I want to show you your room and roommate.” Mrs. Mistren said. This was what I dreaded, I wanted to go with Emma but Emma had already walked away.


I followed Mrs. Mistren out of the cafeteria and down a hall to a door that said Room #3. She opened the door and it looked like a regular bedroom inside. It had yellowish-white walls with two beds and two nightstands. It also had multi-colored carpet, which didn’t make me feel at home.


Once I had finished looking around the room I noticed another girl. She walked up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Morning”


Morning was an interesting name, but I thought it was very pretty.


“Hi Morning, I’m Morning” I said accidently, I was thinking about the name so much that I had said it was my own name. I felt my face turn bright red, probably brighter than my hair.


“I mean, I love your name but mine is Penney” I corrected, but I still sounded stupid.


I decided not to think about Morning’s name instead I studied on how she looked. She had silky black hair that was tied up in a pony tail. She had blue eyes like mine, but hers sparkled in the sun. I wish mine did that. She was very small though. Shorter than me, but not really short. She was skinny and small in size. Her hands were very tiny and her feet looked tiny also.


A “Thank you” snapped me out of my gazing.


“Oh, sorry, you’re welcome” I said. I felt so embarrassed. I had made a fool out of myself on my first day. So much for making friends. I thought.


The next day was my first day of school. I got up early, mainly because Morning got up so early. I guess she’s a morning person. I’m not. I got up and wanted instantly go back to sleep. I thought I was in Cellathin but then I remembered that it was my first day of school in Anrasinthville. I struggled out of bed, putting on my watch as I went over to the girls’ bathroom to conquer my hair to stay flat. I do this every morning, I don’t know why because I always have to brush it again after getting dressed.


I hurried back across the hall to my room so no one would see me in my pajamas. I wanted to pick out something to wear that would let everyone know I was normal, unlike my brother. I ended up picking a red shirt with a tiny pocket on it with blue jeans. Morning picked out something with a bit more taste. A black shirt that matched her hair with a blue flower which matched her eyes then a long-sleeved blue shirt underneath that. Then of course black pants.


I wish I had that kind of taste. But, I never really learned. Morning, obviously had a mother with very good taste. I decided to ask her how her parents died. But suddenly a bell rang. Morning explained that the first bell in the morning meant breakfast.


I couldn’t ask her in a public place so I decided to forget asking her for awhile. After breakfast we all brushed our teeth and went to classes.Continuation to my last question: how do u like my cousins story (PLEASE READ AT LEAST SOME!)?
On a scale of 1-10, one being the worst and 10 being the best, i would give you guys a 4.





The story is okay. I don't necessarily hate it, but i don't love it.





Have fun :)Continuation to my last question: how do u like my cousins story (PLEASE READ AT LEAST SOME!)?
your welcome :)

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