Thursday, August 12, 2010

Im writing a story for creative writing about a school shooting & I need to have 3 characters with flashbacks?

Rick is the main guy,


and his girlfriend is Sam


and her little sister is Ally. My story is a little out of place and not nearly done.


Please tell me any suggestions, ideas, or what I should add. (Even descriptive words) ANYTHING!! lol PLEASE HELP I would so appreciate it....





Nervously, Sam inches her way toward the bus stop with her younger sister. Her eyes suddenly interlock with a very familiar face. She couldn't help but notice the worried expression over-casting his light blue eyes. Ever since the incident Sam, her sister, and Noah had hardly been the same.


“Are you ready for this?” Sam says, breaking the silence.


“Not really.” Noah replies, “How about you, Ally?”


“Me either.” She replies.


It had been over two months since they had gone to school.


The bus pulls in, and the fears rose over the students.


Playing softly, the radio was the only sound circulating around the bus. All the students remained solemnly quiet.


Noah was unfortunately reminded of the traumatic circumstance the moment he looked down at his basketball hoodie.


“Good game, boys. Time to hit the showers.” Praised coach Allen.


Tearing off my basketball shoes, I listened to my other team-mates interacting across the boys locker room.


“Dude, I heard Sam likes you, and she's dying for you to ask her out!” One of my fellow teammates declared.


My heart sank to the ground, I just asked out Sam less than two hours ago and she said yes. Why would she do that to me?


“Yeah, Rick, totally go for it, man! She's so hot!”


Oh, never mind. It's just Rick, and they're probably just making fun of him like usual. Relieved I took a shower, and as always I was the last one to make it for lunch.


I noticed Sam looked like a deer in the head lights, but I wasn't sure why.


“Everything alright babe?” I swung my arm around her, as she wiped off her lips. This perplexed me.


“Yeah. Sure. Lets get out of here, now.” Sam exhaled, “Lets go pick up my sis. She's usually at the library around this time.”


Back into reality of the moment, Noah's thoughts were interrupted when Sam's few tears leaked down her face and onto my hoodie.


“Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” Noah whispers, “We'll get through this together.”


Noah tried to be brave for both Sam, and Ally, were sitting beside him.


Sam perked her head up some and stared at her bandaged hand and was slowly drawn into the beginning of her horrific memories.


“I heard you liked me.”


A laugh escaped from my lips, “Now that is funny.”


Moving closer to me, Rick's voice lowered to a whisper, “Oh, playing hard to get, I see.” His arms suddenly were around my waist and his lips entwined with mine.


“O-my-gosh! Get off Rick! I'm serious, I DON'T LIKE YOU!” I struggled to break free. I about died of embarrassment and complete disgust.


Rejectingly, Rick stared at me with his intense brown eyes and he backed off. No offense to him, I just wasn't interested, at all. For one, he has dorky glasses, bushy brown hair, and he's short. The list goes on.


Surrounding us, all the guys belted out laughing. I began to wonder if they convinced him to talk to me or something.


Noah walks into the cafeteria and puts his arm around me having no idea what he just missed. Quintessence of exasperation beamed in Rick's shadowy eyes. His simple look of 'your going to pay' actually petrified me. I had no idea such a nerdy kid could cause so much distress.


“Everything alright babe?” Noah's soothing voice calmed me down.


Wiping my lips hastily I reply, “Yeah, sure. Lets get out of here, now.”


Sam's eyes re-opened as she looked up at Noah. The twenty-five minuet bus ride started to feel like an eternity. All the students were dreading the moment they would have to step foot onto Westridge high school grounds.


On Noah's lap, was a few text books. Ally's thoughts were deeply sucked in.


Typing, speedily, but accurately, I raced to finish my essay in class at the library. I was slightly annoyed with fact my parter wasn't here to help. Click. I saved my essay. Satisfied, I closed my laptop, and put away all my assignments.


Slam the library door bolted open, and caused the entire room to look over.


It was my parter, finally arriving, but he had a look of agony of his face. His hands were full of tension on the door panel. His dark eyes looked almost black. His smile looked like evilly determined, and he was wearing a long back cloak.


“THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL DESERVE!”


The moment Rick reached for something behind his back, the room instantly become mad chaos, and terrifying screams shattered the silence. I wasn't the type to freak out so easily, I was braver than others, so I had already flew to the back of the library while everyone else either froze or ran around.


Peeking through the library shelves, I could see Rick mercilessly shooting everyone he could.





Noah was captured by Sam's beauty. With the sunlight reflecting off her long blonIm writing a story for creative writing about a school shooting %26amp; I need to have 3 characters with flashbacks?
good but a little confusing and its a bit like 19 minutes by jodi picoult.-amazing book by the way. The changing of the narrator tense was confusing and interesting and so were the flashbacks. it was ok but i hate the word babe so... idk its just a personal thing -good idea

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