Thursday, August 12, 2010

What do u guys think about my editing in this short story?

is a true story im into editing and writing but i love editing iis my thing improving peoples work! i believe im good at it judging from what i first received from this person GIVE THIS A CHECK IT OUT PLEASE!%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;I of course may have over looked a few things so feel free to mention them.





“Laura's worst nightmare”





Laura has beautiful long black hair,a milky skin color, big bright eyes, cute button nose, a perfect body shape and the type of smile that can light up a room, she is a straight A student and her parents only daughter, they have always being proud and protective of her. At only fourteen years old Laura fell in love with a boy, his name was George, she was happier then she had ever been in her life. As soon as her parents found out about them they were against their daughters relationship because they had strong religious believes that George was not apart of, Laura was deep in love and it meant the world to her to be with George despite her parents disapproval. Soon Laura was fifteen and pregnant, her parents although they were upset, loved her, that love made them support her every step of the way. During her pregnancy Laura made all sorts of plans for her and her baby, she planned the babies baby shower and the baby's room, she was happy and exited to be having her baby.


on a regular school day, at around noon Laura started feeling a little sick and uncomfortable., she then decide to get out of school early and get some needed rest.





That night Laura had the worst nightmare anyone can ever imagine, she dreamed that she got hospitalized, she found out that her baby girl was ready to be born at only 7 and a half months to her pregnancy, Laura didn't know if her baby was going to be born perfect, the doctors told her the baby had heart complications among other problems. She couldn't believe it, she was only 15 and thought that because it was her first time being pregnant everything would be okay. Laura proclaimed “if my baby dies I will not survive”.





Laura never imagine how difficult it was to deliver a baby. A few hours later Laura felt the pain like a hurricane destroying everything inside of her and around her. It was 8'o'clock pm the doctor showed up to pay her another dreaded visit. They inform her she was ready to deliver her baby, Laura's anguish grew larger and she felt she needed to hold her baby girl in longer. When the doctors told her “your baby may be born with breathing problems , she has lung disease , but we will do everything we can to help her survive” Laura got depressed immediately after she heard this. All of her good thoughts about her daughter's well being all banished in the blink of an eyes, despite the doctors good hopes she knew that something would go wrong.





Soon Laura's hospital room, was filling up with more and more doctors and nurses, doing sonograms, and checking the babies reaction. Every time that Laura went to sleep she thought only a miracle can save my daughter. Laura's boyfriend, friends and family were all very supportive and were there for her every step of the way. Having all her loves ones there for her made her feel better.





The next morning Laura began to feel a little bit more hopeful and hoped the whole situation will get better, she knew she was trying to be strong enough but the pain was still there just as strong as ever. She began to feel more depressed,tired and confused. The doctors told her “if the baby is born with complications we will operate her, then she will stay a couple of months in the hospital until she get better”. This made her feel happy again and she believed god was listening to her prayers every single night, her loves ones were assuring her “everything will be okay Laura”.





Her nightmare took a turn for the worst by this time three days had passed and Laura wanted to know if it was cold outside. Can you imagine three days in bed without eating anything, just drinking water?, three days in bed without getting up? She asked herself “ when is this going to end?”. The time came right at this moment. Her baby was ready to come out. On a cold and sunny afternoon of January 18, she was sent to the delivery room. Twenty minutes later her baby was born. The baby did not scream, Laura knew that something was not right. Doctors showed her the baby very quickly before they rushed her out of Laura's delivery room. She didn't have time to hug and kiss her baby daughter.





Laura's baby was not breathing perfectly her lungs were very small, the baby was born almost three pound. Laura arrived at her babies room, “ANGELY” she named her baby girl, she was born with all her features, she had the milky skin the beautiful button nose and her fathers blond hair, when Laura went into the room her babies eyes were close but for the first time since she was born her baby opened her eyes and saw her mother but she close them almost immediately. The doctors began the operation a short while after andWhat do u guys think about my editing in this short story?
awesome!


only some grammatical mistakes.


also you should mention something more about teen pregnancy....like, someone in school teased her and all. but still she endured everytrhing.

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