Im 13 and im writin a short story based on snowwhite plz read and tell me what u think it isnt finished?

i havent got to the snowwhite plot yet really so





14th January 1994





8.49pm





Dear diary, today was awful, mum took me to see a lawyer, for some reason people think the old creep should know what happened. I disagree it’s my business. People say he could help. Help with what? Prove that I’m normal. Anyway here is what happened.





‘I’m afraid I can’t help you if you can’t tell me anything else’ said a very important looking man with a trench coat on and big round glasses which someone would have worn in the 70s. (if the matter didn’t matter so much to my mum I would have been calling him Paddington bear.)


‘Are you listening to Mr Saddler, Amy? This is very important; you need to be paying attention.’


‘Amy, can you tell me everything you remember?’ said Paddington


I kept my head down. I didn’t want to talk to him about “the incident.”


My mum then got into a bit of a fluster “Oh Amy when are you going to start helping yourself, your just getting yourself into a deeper hole, you childish girl” thankfully I had heard this speech before so I didn’t get too embarrassed.


Then the dreaded you need to go into a small corner and think about this, speech came.


‘Mrs Mont, I suggest if you want any help you tell your daughter to think very carefully over the events that happened, otherwise there is nothing I can do.’





Pointless isn’t it. After reading that you’re probably wondering why we were there in the first place. Well I’ll tell you something, you don’t know what’s going to happen in your life on your first birthday, so you’re just going to have to read on past the first chapter.





I have to go for dinner now, I’ll write later.





10pm








I can’t write much as I’m suppose to be in bed, but just to fill you in, boy did I get an earful at dinner, it was coming from both sides, normally it goes in one ear and out the other, but oh boy not tonight, I had it from both parents ‘if you don’t tell Paddington what happened no iPod or computer for a month’


‘Hey Barbara don’t forget the sky card’ added the demon step father. Honestly, if you were just walking down the street and you saw him walking towards you, you’d run a mile, with his ring of fluffy hair just circling the outside of his head and his eyes set too close together. The first time mum brought him home, I ran round the house screaming aliens, aliens, I thought we were going to be abducted.





Any way I better try to get to sleep, mind you it will be hard with that image in my head, you’d better wish me good luck!


Over and out.





16th January 1994


11:00am


Sorry I didn’t write yesterday I didn’t have time but to make up for it, I will tell you the first part of ‘the incident,’ this is what everyone is talking about, so if you want to be in the ‘in crowd’ you better listen carefully.





Well, first I better tell you how I ended up in England, again. Originally my family was from England, however, 10 years ago we moved to America for my father’s job, unfortunately he got made redundant last year and well that was the final straw for my mum, she was sick of having money problems and being away from her family, so that night she packed up mine and her bags and we jetted of back to England, and that was the end of my parents marriage, the end of America and the end of this story, well for now anyway.





I’ll check in later. A bientot (see you soon)


Im 13 and im writin a short story based on snowwhite plz read and tell me what u think it isnt finished?
Well, you need to improve your punctuation and grammar quite a bit, and your word choices are also a bit off. You are very much writing as someon your age would be expected to- I advise you read a lot if you wish to improve your style. I won't lie- it's a bit bad, really, but given that you're thirteen, I can understand why it is a bit lacking. You probably haven't read books that will really broaden your ideas. Writing isn't just putting coherent sentences on a page; it's also very much about doing that well. Your spelling is quite good comparably, but you tend to rush things and Amy is a bit of a drama queen. I'm not sure what is going on, due to lack of plot as you mentioned, but as it is it's a first-draft with several errors, but nothing irreparable.Im 13 and im writin a short story based on snowwhite plz read and tell me what u think it isnt finished?
You know what Just keep up.
That is great. I am thirteen too and this is great. It was like I was reading something written by a writer who has finished the college. This is very beautiful. Congratulations. You are going to be a very great writer someday.
I thimk its great. Its really suspensefuland it captures teenage to young adult rebellion. The situation makes it seems realistic and throwing in the evil stepfather makes it typical but funny fairytale material.
It's not bad. I don't exactly prefer reading a book like a diary, but this is nice. Just one thing though, the IPod wasn't around in 1994, it came about in 2001.