What do you think of my story?

We have to write a story, ';The school of nightmares'; and this is what I wrote:





My hands trembling, I tied my hair in a ponytail. It was my first day of Dleifyam Primary, and I had an idea that it wasn’t gonna be so great. My parents kept on reassuring me, insisting it will be great. I walked into the kitchen, my mom and dad and little sister and older brother all smiling at me. We were having pancakes as a special treat. I barely ate any. I walked to school. It was just down the road, so I didn’t have to walk very far. I looked at the metal gates, and the school itself. There was graffiti painted everywhere, a few of the windows were broken, and the gates had spikes over it. I pressed the button. A voice came through a speaker “Hello, who is it?”


“M-my names Katie, I’m starting here today”


The gates automatically opened, and I walked in. A very fat lady with long blonde hair and cold green eyes was standing near the door.


“Hello, you must be Katherine, welcome to Dleifyam, I hope you will have a good time” she said dully, like she said it a thousand times. I was too nervous to correct her. She led me into the building. It smelled like someone had used it as a toilet, and was very dark. She led me into a classroom with a wooden door. Inside was a tall, skinny woman with glossy black hair. Dozens of children stared at me. They obviously weren’t very welcoming.


“Hello, you must be Katherine, welcome to 6A; I hope you will have a good time,” she said in a ice cold voice. “You can go now Allen; I’ll sort this kid out.”


The fat woman waddled out of the classroom, and some kids began sniggering at me.


“Now, where are we gonna place you?” she said, looking around the classroom. There was one seat next to a slim girl with red hair and blue eyes, and she gestured towards it. I shuffled towards it.


“Who are you, big ears,” she sneered, poking me with a ruler, “Don’t expect a very welcoming school, me and Shanice and Holly are gonna get you!”


I nodded, dreading later on.


“Ok, kids, its math’s.” The teacher bellowed.


We had a terrible long lesson that lasted all the way to break. When a bell rang, all the kids ran out, so I got stuck in a stampede. When we got outside, a group of girls surrounded me.


“Look, it’s a new girl!”


“Look at the way she’s dressed, that ugly brown sweater and skirt!”


“Eeew, her hairs so dirty, I bet she’s got NITS!”


Suddenly the fiercest looking girl pulled my hair. Then another kicked me hard. Suddenly I was being attacked.


Thankfully, the bell for lessons went. I went into the bathroom. My nose was bleeding and I had a black eye. Panicking, I used toilet paper to wipe my nose. I washed my eye, but it didn’t help.


I went out, and opened the door leading to the classroom. Lessons had already started. Everyone looked up at me.


“KATIE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, COMING INTO THE CLASSROOM AT WHATEVER TIME YOU WANT,” my teacher boomed, “DETENTION! FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS!”





* * * * *





So that’s how my life went. No friends, being bullied, coming bottom in everything, the teachers hating me, and my parents not noticing me at all.


After about a year of this horror, I told my parents. I told them everything. They listened, and my mom started crying. My dad looked horrified and apologized for never listening before.


The very next day my mom signed my out from that school. I’m gonna go to a new school. Mayfield. It was the entire opposite of Dleifyam; it was big and beautiful without any graffiti or smell corridors. A new lady with short black hair led me to a classroom. New children were smiling at me, looking welcoming. A happy teacher with curls smiled at me brightly.


“Hello Katie! Welcome to 6TF, lets seat you somewhere.”


She looked around the room, and saw an empty seat next to a beautiful Asian girl with big brown eyes and black hair in a ponytail. She smiled at me.


“Why don’t you sit next to Annusheh? Ok, let’s begin Literacy; we’re studying the Ancient Greeks.”


I shyly sat next to Annusheh.


“Hello, what’s your name? It’s really tough starting a new school, isn’t it? Well, do you want to play with me at break and lunch?”


I nodded, hardly able to believe my luck. When we had to get into groups, Annusheh insisted that she should come with her and her friends. I had a fantastic day.


During break, I made new friends. By lunch, I had a entire crowd of children asking me questions.


I was best friends with Annusheh, and after a while, I realized I belonged at Mayfield.What do you think of my story?
Its pretty awesome ! :)


Love how its written from your point of view, its almost as if we're in your shoes


seriously i think its really good ! =]





xWhat do you think of my story?
wow pretty cool!








answer this?


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
great story and I'm glad your parents listened to to you! Stay in school and go as far as you can .Knowledge is power.