MY MEMOIR!!! HELP! WHAT NEEDS CHANGED AND FIXED? 10 POINTS TO HONEST PERSON?

MY MEMOIR!!! HELP! WHAT NEEDS CHANGED AND FIXED? 10 POINTS TO HONEST PERSON?


i am in eigth grade and i have to write a memoir. i choose mine on kindergarten but i need to know what needs fixed.





The over sized Winnie the Pooh back pack rested on my shoulders. I held one hand to the straps as if it was my only prized possession and the other, my mom’s hand, tightly as we strode through the large brown door. A large brown desk stood in the front, the student desks were neatly lined in rows of seven and each had a nametag stuck to the top. Small blue chairs were placed in front of each desk, the perfect size for our small bodies. Bright colored posters lined the walls with things like the alphabet, numbers, and shapes. In the back was a short counter, a sink was planted on one end and a large tank on the other. My curious mind wonder what was inside the tank. The room smelled of eraser, markers, and cranyons.This was my first day of kindergarten. I was finally a big girl. My mom and I waited in a line along with the other kids who would be my class mates. Mothers talked with each other while children waited. One girl, wearing frilly socks on her ankles and pink overalls, chewed a strand of hair in her mouth. Another, kept asking her mom question such as, how much longer, when can we leave, will you come get me? A boy in front of me had light blonde hair with layers of gel worked in it. He wore a dark blue Nike shirt and white buzz lightyear shoes. He tapped the boy in front of him. The boy turned around, only to have even more gel gooed into his dark brown hair. He looked at the boy for a minute, “Hi, my name’s Nick. What’s yours?” the dark haired boy looked at him for a minute and replied “Levi” In a quit shy voice. Nick asked if he wanted to be friends and from then on that’s how it went. Kids became impatient, poking each other and asking questions. Soon a woman walked in, she had a pressed, cranberry red shirt on and kaki pants. She wore a warm smile and greeted each adult. She said her name was Mrs. Smith and handed out papers that adults would need to fill out. She started to walk each child to his or hers desk. Mrs. Smith came up the line and in front of me. She kneeled down so she was four feet tall and looked me in the eyes, asking my name. “Avery” I quietly replied. She smiled and held out her hand and I took it. I was taken to a desk where my name was printed on the top. And a box of bright sharpened crayola canyons was rested on the top along with a ruler, pencils, and erasers. For the rest of the week I was introduced to a whole new world. Kids brought Gogurt and Twinkies and I learned it had a completely knew sugary delight. Each day we would stand up in front of a flag a recite the pledge of allegiance. I became best friends with a two girls named Elizabeth and Jessie. Each afternoon Mrs. Smith would say it was snack time and we were given a hand full of animal crackers and a juice box. Afterwards we would go out side for recess. Mrs. Smith said it was so we could get our “gitters” out. I remember learning how to swing and I and the other kids would compete to see who could get the highest. I would close my eyes as a swung, always feeling much higher than I was. One day a boy named Zach started to point to Jessie and sing “Jessie and Nick sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g” and watching Mrs. Smith send him to the corner. After lunch we would go to art. Each student dreaded it cause they all clamed the art teacher was mean. But I loved her! She always made me feel good and told me I had a talent. We learned the art of creating stick people and drawing flowers bigger than the sun. I found out that the tank on the counter contained two little frogs which each of us admired.


Kindergarten. One long word to describe such a short-lived time in my life. As the saying goes you never really appreciate something until it is gone and that was how it was for me during that one school year. I look back trying to remember through the dim haze of that time when fun and games was woven into learning and education.MY MEMOIR!!! HELP! WHAT NEEDS CHANGED AND FIXED? 10 POINTS TO HONEST PERSON?
I think this is great! You're in 8th grade? Wow! I dnt remember doing this kind of work in 8th grade! Good Luck to you!